by: Shadow Law
What does it mean to chase your dreams?
To chase something that you want so badly, you'd give up your world for it?
What does it mean to think on something so deeply?
To devote every waking moment to the puruist of something?
Have I ever had a dream?
I've dreamt of things. Of people. Even of places.
But what do those dreams mean?
Have I been a coward for not devoting myself - soul and all - to the utter pursuit of those dreams? Am I foolish for having wasted my youth on education; learning how to write, how to speak, how to listen. How to clean, cook, and kill? Or have those things been my devotion, and my dreams set aside until I think I have a chance?
Am I THAT insecure about who and what I am?
I am just me. Nothing more.
So what does that mean?
Good? Bad? Who am I?
Who am I?
There are three shades in the world. White. Black. And Gray. I'm pretty sure about the first two. Its just the last one that leaves me hanging - friend or foe?
There are other things I know with such certainty.
One of them is what I want most in life.
Its a simple thing, actually - something so...fundamental, most people wouldn't even place it in the top 5 choices they themselves would make.
But then again - I'm not most people. Not like most people.
In fact, I suppose I am unique.
All self-platitudes aside, we all are.
So whats so special?
What could be such a secret dream, that I admitedly hesitate to reveal it to myself?
Growing up is a stupid thing. Every year we look back and wish we could change the past. More this. Less that. Smiles and laughter fade away as we realize we don't have enough pictures or good memories. Where's the empty beer cans, or glowing alcohol bottles? What happened to the street signs we stoll, or the pictures I took with the garden gnomes we kidnapped?
I look back wishing for more parties and debautchery.
I look back wishing for different faces in different places.
I look back wishing for halcyon times, of dreams once sacred.
I look back. And my heart grows sick. My stomach knotted.
Where the FUCK is it that I'm going?
Anybody wanna hang around for the ride?